


i'll be as honest as you let me

by MyCupOfTea



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Homophobia, Jack's Overdose, M/M, Team as Family, Transphobia, Which I explain in the end notes if you want to give yourself a heads up, mentions of:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyCupOfTea/pseuds/MyCupOfTea
Summary: Jack keeps getting out of dinner with Marty, and Marty worries about his rookies. (Five times Jack blows off dinner at Marty's, and two times he doesn't)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Fall Out Boy's Fourth of July](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j4Pf228vhE).
> 
> There's explicit information on what the homophobia, transphobia, etc warnings are for in the end notes - give them a read if you even have an inkling that you need to! Stay safe, friends, and let me know if it needs any other warnings.

 

I.

It's the first day of July, and Marty has only really talked to Jack Zimmermann a handful of times.

Georgia brought him by when every other story on ESPN Hockey was where Jack Zimmermann was going to sign, and he hadn't known what to think about him. Quiet, he would have said if you asked him.

Plays good hockey, of course. That's never been a question.

They talked once more right after there was a contract with Jack's loopy signature at the bottom. He shakes Jack's hand, standing next to Thirdy, and welcomes him to the team. Jack says thank you, he's happy to be there, and everything else that he's expected to say.

Jack isn't what Marty expected. He followed the story of Jack Zimmermann like every other person in the hockey world, and had been excited to see what he could do in the big leagues. Then, he had followed the story of his overdose and subsequent withdrawal from the hockey world.

He has a strong memory of sitting on the couch with Gabby, their first child due to be born in a month, watching the story play out on the news when it looked like he wasn't going to make it, and casting a thought out for Bob Zimmermann, the man who he had, up until then, seen as a fellow Canadian, a fellow hockey player, someone whose career just missed overlapping with his by just a few seasons, and instead saw him as a father.

It maybe clouds how he looks at Jack the first time. He doesn't just see a rookie, doesn't just see the shadow of Bad Bob - he sees a son that almost didn't make it, a son that almost didn't outlive his father.

Marty tells Thirdy as much. Thirdy just shakes his head.

"Kid has been through enough, his family has been through enough. Just let the damn kid play good hockey, right?"

Jack's certainly more prepared than their other rookie, that's for sure. Marty resolves to try not to worry about Jack too much; he seems mature, politely confident. He can handle himself during interviews, settles himself into the practice schedule with ease.

Poots, on the other hand, is all nerves and false bravado, fresh out of the draft, would live off of microwaved hot dogs if Tater and Snowy hadn't ganged up on him two days after his move to Providence, and generally needs quite a bit more looking after than Jack.

But Marty and Jack do have their home country in common, and when July rolls around Marty decides he'll invite Jack over to have a "French Canadians stranded in America" dinner on the Fourth. He belatedly realizes after the fact that he should have invited him over for Canada Day, but hey, better late than never.

Except that -

"Oh," Jack says, and blinks, like it's the absolute last thing he expected to happen. "I, um - I'm actually going out of town this weekend."

Marty feels like an ass, because - did Jack spend Canada Day alone? That's - well, he probably has friends around, and God knows both he and his parents can afford tickets to fly to either Montreal or Providence - but Marty should have offered.

But he tries not to dwell too much on it, because Jack looks more upset that he has to turn down the invitation that Marty just claps him on the shoulder.

"Another time, eh? Have a good time this weekend."

II.

It's the last weekend before the season starts. They've had a few preseason games that have been going pretty well for them, and are working well together in practice, as Marty and Thirdy discuss over dinner. Both of their families are there, so it's loud, and it's exactly what Marty loves in their traditional preseason dinner.

"Have you had dinner with the rookies yet?" Thirdy asks him, and Marty shakes his head.

"Not yet, but I'm asking them over tomorrow. You?"

Thirdy sighs.

"Me neither. I might not get to it before the season starts." He scrubs a hand down his face. "It's been a busy season, and it hasn't even started yet."

"Well, gee, that's completely unexpected and not understandable at all," Marty deadpans across the table, eyes meaningfully pausing on where Thirdy is holding a bottle for his youngest - two months old. Thirdy rolls his eyes.

"It's not the first time I've had a kid before the season. We plan things like this for a reason."

"That doesn't mean it's not absolute chaos. Give yourself a break. Jack and Poots will be fine without both of their captains breathing down their necks."

\----------

It's two days later, and Marty still hasn't gotten a chance to ask either Poots or Jack to dinner. He wants to have them both over at the same time, because it makes them feel a little bit less like they're being cornered.

It's difficult, though, because Jack seems to have gravitated to Tater, which is good because Tater needs a new roommate and Jack seems to do better around an extrovert. Poots seems to have clamped onto Snowy, which is good because Poots needed to be around an introvert. Snowy and Tater have always gotten along like a house on fire (a friendship Marty suspects was originally born out of a language barrier - Tater's native language being, of course, Russian, and Snowy's being pretentious poetry, the kind of friendship that was born out of assuming the other guy was being friendly), but for some reason it gets really hard to get Jack and Poots together at the same time.

Finally, Marty gets them both, even though he does have to literally corner them. They both give off a deer in the headlights impression, but Marty's used to that and presses on with the invitation.

Poots immediately accepts and looks excited at the prospect of a meal he didn't have to cook. Jack, though, blanches.

"Marty, I'm really sorry, I'm having a - friend - over for dinner that night."

Marty can't help it. He narrows his eyes at Jack, who currently looks as though he's afraid Marty is going to eat him. Marty kind of feels bad except "having a friend over for dinner" was a cop-out if he ever heard one. But finally he sighs.

"Some other time. Take it easy, kid."

III.

Thanksgiving is two rejections from Jack in one, and it's when Marty starts to realize there might be something else going on.

They're going to be in town for Canadian Thanksgiving, but get back late the day before, and play a home game the day after, and it's just not feasible to go anywhere within that short of a timeframe, so Marty invites Jack over.

Jack grimaces.

"I'm sorry, my parents are flying down and I'm spending the day with them."

"Oh good, I'm glad you're going to get to see them. Do you have plans for fake - American Thanksgiving? You should come over for dinner that night."

Jack pulls a face again, and that's when Marty has a feeling.

"I'm going to be visiting Samwell. One of the guys there makes dinner for everyone who can't go home for the break because we only got Thursday and Friday off, and since they figured I wouldn't have anything to do. . ." Jack shrugs.

"Okay, that sounds good," Marty says. "Your girlfriend going to be there?"

Jack looks even more pained.

"Yeah, yeah, she - usually help with the food. . ." Jack says, trailing off. They stare in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. Marty just barely manages to keep from leveling his best "you really didn't take a cookie out of the cookie jar then why do you have crumbs all over you" patented Dad Face at him.

\-------------

"And then he made the Trevor cookie stealing face!" Marty exclaims, throwing up his hands out of the sink and accidentally splashing water at Gabby.

"He made the what face?" Gabby asks skeptically, wiping at her face with her hands.

"You know the face. The face Trevor makes when you ask him if he's taken a cookie and he lies about it."

Gabby nods.

"Do you think he's trying to dodge dinner on purpose?"

Marty sighs and goes back to washing dishes.

"I mean. . . not exactly. He's got good excuses for the most part. I just - he was definitely lying about _something_."

"So he's afraid you'll find out about something."

"Yes - no? I can't imagine what. He's playing phenomenally. He's getting along with everyone - really well. Me included. I just can't seem to get the guy to agree to sit down to damn dinner."

"Maybe stop asking about holidays," Gabby suggests. "He's not your average rookie, you've said so yourself. He's older, more established, and has friends and family that really aren't that far away. He doesn't need to come over for dinner like a kid that's never cooked something that didn't come from a box in the freezer, like a kid who's never been away from home. He's going to plan ahead for holidays and things."

Marty considers.

"That makes sense. I'll try not doing that next time." He leans over to kiss the side of her head. "You're so smart."

"And you're a shameless flatterer, but here we are," but she smiles as she says it.

IV.

He tries again, picking a random week towards the end of October to ask Jack.

"Marty, I'm really sorry, but I can't. My girlfriend is coming up for the weekend that night so. . ." Jack gives him a helpless shrug.

"Just bad timing, right?" Marty says, smile tight. "We'll find a time."

\-------------

"It just seems like we're never going to find a time!" Marty exclaims, pacing in the kitchen. Gabby's eyes track him.

"You're both busy people. What with away games, home games, families, you've got that thing with You Can Play, Jack has things going on I'm sure."

"Yeah, like his girlfriend."

"He has a girlfriend?" Gabby says, eyes raised.

"Yes, she made that pie I brought home the other day."

"And when he told you his girlfriend was going to be in town, did you invite her to come to dinner as well?"

"I - no, I didn't."

" _Sebastien._ "

"I know, I know, but I didn't even think about it!" Marty defends.

"Well, there's your problem. Jack seems like a gentleman, he's not going to bring her over her without knowing it's okay and he's not going to leave her at home just so he can have dinner at his captain's house."

V.

Marty has a plan.

It's not a very in depth plan, but it's a plan.

It all goes to shit when Jack gets hit in the face with a hockey puck, but it was a nice plan.

It had been an early game, so Marty had been planning on cornering Jack after - he knows his girlfriend is back at school, because Tater had been talking about the lack of pies - and ask him to come over after the game. Jack probably didn't have any plans besides _home_ and _sleep_ so Marty had been fairly confident.

But then Jack gets hit and even Marty doesn't make it to dinner, sitting outside, waiting for him.

"Hey, kiddo," he says when Jack finally walks out. "How many stitches?"

"Just ten. It's not too bad." Jack shrugs with one shoulder in the way Marty has come to know means _I've had worse_.

"And no concussion?"

"Absolutely nothing. It really wasn't that bad of a hit, honestly."

"Just wanted to make sure you're cleared to drive yourself home. You know, it's too bad, I was going to ask you to come have dinner tonight at my place," Marty says, and Jack looks curious. "But what about this weekend instead."

"Ah, my girlfriend is -"

"She can come too!" Marty exclaims, a little too forcefully if Jack's taken aback expression is anything to go by. "Sorry, just - Gabby really wants a few recipes from her. She's really wants to have the two of you over."

"Oh, oh, well," and Marty has never seen Jack this nervous. Ever. Marty starts to feel something uneasy sit in his stomach. "Um, that's - she's -"

"Jack!" Georgia calls from where she was bustling down the hallway. "Can I borrow you really quick?"

Jack shoots one more apologetic look over his shoulder, and leaves.

\----------------

Marty knocks on George's door after practice one day, then leans his head in.

"Hey, George? Is now a bad time?"

"Not at all," she says, waving him. "What's up?"

"I'm worried about Jack."

George's eyebrows knit together as her frown deepens.

"Jack? Is he okay?"

"I don't know, George. That's why I'm here. It's - I've been trying to get him to have dinner with Gabby and I for - since July. And I know we're all busy and everything, but I'm starting to worry that something else is going on."

"Like what?"

Marty sighs.

"Do you know anything about his girlfriend?"

"Jack has a girlfriend?"

"She's the one who keeps the nook stocked with pies."

"Oooh, that makes sense. Obviously I don't know anything about her. Do you think something is wrong. . . ?" George trails off, obviously prompting him to start talking.

"I honestly have no idea. I don't want to start jumping to any kind of conclusions, but I would feel better if he would just sit down and I could find out if anything is wrong over a meal. It's easier that way." Marty shrugs.

"Has he been acting different?"

"Not at all, he's been - fine. Playing great, getting along with everyone great. He doesn't talk much about his girlfriend, unless someone asks him straight out."

"That's good, because I have something to ask you about Jack."

Marty raises an eyebrow.

"Okay?"

"Giving him the last A is an idea that's getting thrown around."

Marty grins.

"Really? That's great. That kid has more than earned it. He'll be great. And he'll be around for a while and, I hate to admit it, but Thirdy and I are getting old and -"

George just nods, a knowing smile on her face.

"I know, that's what we're saying too. I wanted to get your input." Her face turns serious again. "Do you think there's something going on that's serious enough we need to take it into consideration when deciding?"

"No. No, definitely not. Whatever it is - and 'it' could be nothing! - it's not effecting anything that has to do with the Falconers. I'm just kind of concerned about his happiness, more than anything else. And I think he's happy to be here with us."

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear."

+I.

Marty doesn't even knock, just barges into George's office. She doesn't rebuke him, just looks concerned, which is why she's so great.

"Jack was worried that he couldn't tell me about his boyfriend?" He tries not to yell, but he's upset. Has been, since dinner.

"Yes. Come sit down."

He takes a seat.

"George, I'm really worried that I made him feel unsafe. I don't really know how - my brother's husband and I have been talking a lot about how to go about talking about inclusion and being respectful to the team. What am I supposed to say? 'Don't worry, I know how you feel because I've had to live in fear for almost twenty years that someone is going to attack my wife just because she was designated male at birth'?"

"I don't think -"

"If I can't make him feel safe, what are we going to do when he comes out? I really want to say it's safe and no one is going to do anything drastic - I _know_ I can say that about this team, that's not my concern - but how are we supposed to make him feel safe when it's going to feel like serving him up to the sharks? And - _crisse_ \- they're going to rehash the overdose. _Again_. They're not going to look and go 'oh wow, we probably made that whole situation twenty times worse than it needed to be, let's leave him alone now'. They're going to _try to hurt him_." He finally falls quiet, running out of steam.

"Marty. You have to know this is one of the reasons he didn't tell any of us. It's his first season in the NHL after he had to take a very curvy path to get here, because support wasn't in the right places when he needed it to be there. You can't honestly tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing."

Marty sighs heavily.

"You're right. I know you're right, but it doesn't make it better. I'm - really worried for him."

"I know. I am too. But you're right, we trust this team. We're all going to have his back. And - Marty, you don't quite understand, because it's never been you. Your wife, yes. Your brother and his husband. But it's different when you're staring down the barrel of everything and realizing that it's your career, it's your life, it's everything you've ever had or wanted and you have to stick it all on the line, just to go over for dinner. It was incredibly brave, you have to admit."

"I know. I know it was. And not just Jack, Eric too. From _Georgia_. Made of steel, both of them. I just wish they didn't have to be."

"Well, we're working on it," Georgia says, and her voice has gotten a little harder. "I talked to Jack about it more, about the logistics of him coming out, him not coming out. PR and I are going to make contingency plan upon contingency plan. We might not actually be able to put things between them and the rest of the world, but we're going to build a legal wall twenty feet high. If anyone - on or off the ice - tries _anything_ , this entire organization is going to go after them with everything we have."

"Good," Marty says with a fierce nod.

"And try not to worry too much. We'll all figure it out when we get there."

+II.

Marty shook Bob Zimmermann's hand and remembers sitting on couch with Gabby, ESPN only rehashing the same story over and over, that Bad Bob's son had overdosed, that he had been taken away in an ambulance, and sees a father and someone else who worries about Jack probably more than he should.

"It's good to meet you," he says instead. "Hey, I have a bone to pick. It took six months for your son to come over for dinner. He can be a slippery thing when he wants to be."

Instead of the weak laugh he thought he would get at the bad joke, he gets a grimace.

"Sorry, he probably learned that from me. Being. . . like that, it was necessary, you know? To keep him safe."

Marty looks him in the eye and says:

"It's not necessary anymore. Not from us."

**Author's Note:**

> About the content warnings: Over the course of the story, Marty worries about Jack. After he finds out Bitty and Jack are dating, he becomes concerned that he's made Jack uncomfortable, that Jack will face large amounts of homophobia and possibly homophobic violence upon coming out to the public, and also talks about how he worries about his wife, who is trans, possibly being attacked. (All of this is said in a rant to George, and he's pretty self centered about the whole thing) He also talks about seeing the news after Jack's overdose, and imagining what it's like for Bob. 
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr](http://marchingatmidnight.tumblr.com/)


End file.
